(Poem) 'Alone' by Lauren Temple

Alone

I was always afraid to be on my own

Constantly crowded by voices including my own

Mine overlapping everyone else’s

But never on its own

I don’t know why I hid from myself

Like I did the monsters under my bed

Fell asleep straight away

Too afraid to be alone with my thoughts

Without other people I had nothing

I existed completely within their opinions of me

I was a shadow who attached themselves to other people’s bodies

Why was I so afraid of myself?

Cute little girl

Pig tails

Telling tales of fun days out

Singing songs

The whole world my audience

And I was so proud of who I was when they were looking

But it was when I had to be still

When I had to be quite

When I had to be alone

That is when I could not cope

Why?

Was it because she always played with me

so when she died

I associated any alone time with the burning pain inside my chest

Or was it because to be alone was a punishment

From my best friend

I was told to behave

Or else

I would have to be alone

And I would have to face who I was becoming

A voice so loud but silent when there was no one around to hear

So I would attach myself to my mother

My dad called me a limpet crab

Said I would love it if I could just crawl back into her belly

I replied ‘yes, I would’

Because there

attached and dependent

I would never have to be alone again